I battle with depression. Yes, I said it. I have battled with it for years but it reared it’s ugly head in a way I had never seen before; when my daughter was born. I found myself wanting to stay locked up in the house, living in my pajamas and didn’t have the strength or care to shower. I was drained. It took too much energy just to get out of the bed in the morning. The only thing that kept me going was my daughter and Jesus, of course. I praise God for her. Though she was just born, it was my daily thoughts and duties as a parent, “I have to get up for Lily. I have to interact with Lily. I have to show Lily so much love” that kept me going. Though my daughters love gave me tons of inspiration and strength, it wasn’t enough to stop the binge eating. It wasn’t enough to stop the tears that were uncontrollable. My husband didn’t know what was going on and neither did I. I ,of course, spoke with my doctor and she did state it was depression. She suggested I speak with my pastor’s for counseling and as an outlet. She also stated I should get out of the house for an hour a day. I had become a hermit, a little protective hermit. Protecting my baby from everyone, I would tell myself. In reality, I was using her as a crutch to my own issues.
Why am I telling you this, you ask? Because depression is real. It is hard. It is tough BUT my GOD is tougher. My GOD is even more REAL and my GOD is able to defeat anything that comes against me.
You can ask anyone I know, literally, and they will tell you I am not lying. For 3 years, God has been telling me to eat healthier. I would tell my husband, my family, my friends how God was really laying it on my heart to start eating better foods. Less processed. Less sugar. Drop the soda etc. This was before my daughter was even born. Before she was even in my womb. I would hear the voice of the Lord warn me not to eat certain things, but I never sought Him out. I just assumed it was to protect me from diabetes or high blood pressure—diseases that riddle my family. But today, I had a revelation from the Holy Spirit and I want to share it with you all.
As you know, I have been transitioning to a healthy lifestyle. I have been tracking macros, eating clean and working out. And as I have told you all before, I feel amazing when I do these things. I am upbeat, happy, calm, motivated. I think clearer. I am more confident. I am how God intended me to be. But, alas, these past two weeks have been a blur. I have been battling depression like no other. It hit me like a wrecking ball. It began with me not being able to sleep at night. I literally have not gone to sleep earlier than 5:00 am. That was my first clue, but I ignored it; assuming I was just stressed. I then began making poor food choices. Ordering take-out, or buying processed foods. I would excuse it by saying I will work out double and the processed foods are just snacks for Lily. Suddenly, i stopped working out. I would give excuse after excuse. ” Oh, Emmanuel (hubby) doesn’t get home until 9:00 and I don’t want to work out without him.” Oh, I don’t feel good or I have so much cleaning to do” etc etc etc. The truth is, I had become depressed and didn’t realize it. It wasn’t until this morning, when I woke up at 11:00 am because I didn’t go to sleep until after 5:00 am, that I heard the voice of the Lord call me into prayer. I began to pray and I heard God’s voice so clear.
He said “Tell me what is wrong with you. Tell me why you are so down.”
And I proceeded to open up about how I was jealous of certain people and worried about money and that I felt like a burden. It was then, after being honest and opening up, I could feel His love surround me and His Holy Spirit comfort me. As I prayed in the Spirit, the Lord revealed the depression that was trying so desperately to cling to me and drain every ounce of strength I had. I asked the Lord, why is it I am dealing with this and he began to show me my choices in the past weeks. And let me tell you, I had made some poor ones. Choices of unforgiveness, of jealousy, of foul language. I repented of course. But He also showed me my choices in food and not working out. And He began to lay on my heart how my health is directly related to my depression. You see, when I was eating clean, working out, getting rest, I had no depression. I was on cloud nine everyday. Now as you guys know, I would pray every morning. So I had stopped doing that as well. So as I stopped my morning prayer, stopped eating healthy, stopped working out, I gave a way for that depression to creep in.
Research shows that certain foods can aid in ridding depression by boosting awareness, calmness and brain activity. There are ton of articles you can research on this subject, but for now, I am going to give you what God gave me. Concerning ME and MY health, the Lord revealed that my prayer with Him, what I eat and my working out directly affects the depression I have dealt with. This is why He has been trying to talk to me about it for 3 years, but I never listened. I know, there are quite a few people who would argue me on this, but I know who I am when I am eating right and moving and spending time with God, compared to who I am when I do not do those things.
I am not a doctor. I am not here to diagnose anyone’s depression. I am not here to treat anyone’s depression. But if what I am saying sounds familiar to you, I urge you to pray and seek out this information for yourself. It wouldn’t hurt to eat healthy for a week and then record if you see any changes. (This not me diagnosing anyone. Please if you battle with depression, stay on whatever plan of action you and your doctor have discussed.)
I didn’t “think” this post up. The Lord instructed me to write it and let me tell you, its the quickest post I have ever written. The words are literally pouring out of me. There is someone who needs to see this today. There is someone who needs to know they are not alone. Whoever you are, please know that you are loved by the God of the Universe. And He loves you so much that He would press on my heart to write for His Glory and your needs. It is my prayer that you would walk in the fullness of salvation and that the spirit of depression would be broken off of you in Jesus’ name. I speak deliverance and obedience over you and your life. Stand on God’s Word and allow Him to strengthen you. You are loved my dear!
Faith and Favor on this day guys,